omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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