Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
