have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
