Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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