Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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