we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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