we have pet lesbian snakes
My first STD was from a foam party
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
