So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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