Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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