battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
