sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
