Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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