i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
