Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
