Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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