6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
