I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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