Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i think i just lost a toe
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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