I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
