I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
