we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
