I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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