i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
