I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
