i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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