This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
