if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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