I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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