so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
