So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My ass is underappreciated
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
