She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
is it fun? or sober?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
