Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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