I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
