I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
