Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
