Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
