come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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