my mouth tastes like poor choices
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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