I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
