I want to make a zoo with you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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