I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
