i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I AM VODKA MAN
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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