You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
