Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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