WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Where is the hickey?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
