I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
