dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
