Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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