I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
