i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
