Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
