I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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