Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
