I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize