Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
porn star boner night. come get it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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