no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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