he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
