Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
