Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
