Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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