im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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