just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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