dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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