Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
